do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
