I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Randomize
