I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
Randomize
