he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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