Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
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He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
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I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
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