They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
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