I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
How do i ask the guy i made out with for 4 hours if he is gay? He keeps telling me i'm so adorable and that he had a ''blasty''
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
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