Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
