In the future we'll all be gay
stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
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