i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
Do vagina's smell?
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
Randomize
