$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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