just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
