just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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