I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
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