i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
