She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Randomize
