You kept calling me your small dog last night.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Randomize
