I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
she peed on how many people?
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
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