My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Randomize
