anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
