do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
Where are you guys?
Drunk
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
