I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Randomize
