Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
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