Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
Randomize
