and you said cock pushups were impossible
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
Randomize
