I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Randomize
