1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Randomize
