I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
I FOUND THE LEGS
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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