I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
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