I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
BRING THE BAGELS
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
