I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
Randomize
