So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Randomize
