is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Randomize
