Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
