i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
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