So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
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