Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
