She announced her abortion via fbk
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
