I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
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I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
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As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
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