it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
