Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
Randomize
