I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
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