pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
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