My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
Randomize
