And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
