Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
Randomize
