The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Randomize
