Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
Randomize
