If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
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