On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
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