so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Randomize
