i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
