CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
