when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
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