I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
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