Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
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