really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
Randomize
