you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Randomize
