Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
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