I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Randomize
