i may or may not be watching the land before time
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Randomize