I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
