If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
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