omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
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