Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
Randomize
