I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
Randomize
