Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
Randomize
