I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
Randomize
