You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
