What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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